I began to pay attention to the ways the Holy Spirit would communicate to me around the time of middle school; I believe it was. Sometimes it would be through dreams or visions and other times it would be in the repetition of an event or conversation, basically what many call déjà vu. Most of the repetitive situations would take place in threes, meaning I would experience the same type of conversation with three different people or have a similar event happen three separate times.
As I sat on the floor in my bedroom on Mother's Day with a moment to myself (shout out to my husband for cooking breakfast while watching our seven-month-old son and six-year-old daughter), I decided to take some time to communicate with God. In my conversation with my Heavenly Father, I thanked Him for all he has done for my family and me then proceeded to share with him the many dreams and changes I would like to see in my life. As I poured out all of my deepest thoughts, feelings and more specifically my anxiety about completing the book He asked me to write, I started to realize just how filled with impatience I am about enduring the process towards the vision He has given me in this season. I quickly noticed that I want all the things He has promised me to manifest now. And I do mean RIGHT NOW!
The past few weeks have proven challenging for me due to an overwhelming amount of setbacks. My computer recently died, and after my husband had taken a look at it, we discovered it was the hard drive which was causing me problems. (I am still praising the Lord it was not the motherboard because I can't replace a whole computer at this time!) So we ordered another hard drive and began to install it, only to find it would not fit properly into the tower we have. Also while we were waiting to see what was wrong with the computer, a neighbor of ours suggested I blog from my phone. Well, I looked up the app that I used before to blog with from my phone when I first started out, only to find that my phone is no longer compatible with that app. Also, it seemed every time I wanted to write, either for the blog or the book I am working on, there would be a series of distractions or obligations which required my immediate attention. So I quickly found myself becoming more and more discouraged. I even began to stop talking with God because I did not want to sound like I was complaining just as the children of Israel had done when they left Egypt (found throughout the books of Exodus and Numbers). I got so depressed because here I am finally stepping out on faith, wanting to change my life, and now I have to deal with all of this too! I just wanted to give up and quit!
Last week I heard God say "Start sharing your story" and to be quite honest this is truly the last thing I wanted to do. I have been holding back from being obedient because the shame I have felt and still hold tightly to about my past. Not only that but it would be a lengthy piece of writing hence the book I am still working on. So after wrestling with this for some time I have decided to follow through. Well, here it goes...
Looking back over my journal entries from last year revealed one reoccurring theme to me. Just how much I lived by my emotions. Not only was I pregnant during this time but to top it all off, I truly endured some rather trying test and trials. So I wanted to explore this topic because, in a sermon, I heard a pastor say "As long as you can be moved, you can't be effective!" This statement struck a chord with me because I've experienced plenty of moments where I have allowed my feelings to run the course of my day, in turn, causing me not to get much, if anything, accomplished.
Has anyone ever assumed something about you? Was it something true or was it something completely false? Many times when people believe something they take it as the truth, whether the information is right or wrong. I have had my share of different things people have assumed about me over the years. Everything from "I thought you were shy and quiet" to "I thought you had a baby while in college and that is why you dropped out."
Have you ever bitten off more than you could chew? Well lately, I have been trying to solve the puzzle of my own life to the point where it has consumed my time and attention along with my many other daily responsibilities. Yesterday during my morning routine, I felt the tugging from the Holy Spirit to spend time with God but I just could not bring myself to do it. The only thing I could bring myself to do was just vent to God about everything that was bothering me mixed in with a whole lot of tears like in Psalms 102:1. After regaining my composure, I came to the realization that I was overwhelmed.