November 14, 2009, is the day my life changed forever. It started out like any other day where I had to get ready for my shift at work, but something felt different. I could not put my finger on it, but my spirit could sense there was a disturbance happening in the atmosphere. As I neared the last couple of hours before heading home, I received a strange phone call from my husband letting me know my mother had called him and that I needed to leave work immediately. Quickly, my heart sank because I felt the seriousness in his voice and wondered if it had something to do with my father even though my husband did not mention him over the phone. So I quietly pulled my manager aside and said, "I need to leave right now because something is wrong with my father." As I got into the car, I quickly found the drive home to be challenging as my mind began to race with all kinds of thoughts.
I began to pay attention to the ways the Holy Spirit would communicate to me around the time of middle school; I believe it was. Sometimes it would be through dreams or visions and other times it would be in the repetition of an event or conversation, basically what many call déjà vu. Most of the repetitive situations would take place in threes, meaning I would experience the same type of conversation with three different people or have a similar event happen three separate times.
The past few weeks have proven challenging for me due to an overwhelming amount of setbacks. My computer recently died, and after my husband had taken a look at it, we discovered it was the hard drive which was causing me problems. (I am still praising the Lord it was not the motherboard because I can't replace a whole computer at this time!) So we ordered another hard drive and began to install it, only to find it would not fit properly into the tower we have. Also while we were waiting to see what was wrong with the computer, a neighbor of ours suggested I blog from my phone. Well, I looked up the app that I used before to blog with from my phone when I first started out, only to find that my phone is no longer compatible with that app. Also, it seemed every time I wanted to write, either for the blog or the book I am working on, there would be a series of distractions or obligations which required my immediate attention. So I quickly found myself becoming more and more discouraged. I even began to stop talking with God because I did not want to sound like I was complaining just as the children of Israel had done when they left Egypt (found throughout the books of Exodus and Numbers). I got so depressed because here I am finally stepping out on faith, wanting to change my life, and now I have to deal with all of this too! I just wanted to give up and quit!
Last week I heard God say "Start sharing your story" and to be quite honest this is truly the last thing I wanted to do. I have been holding back from being obedient because the shame I have felt and still hold tightly to about my past. Not only that but it would be a lengthy piece of writing hence the book I am still working on. So after wrestling with this for some time I have decided to follow through. Well, here it goes...