The saying "Life is a marathon, not a sprint" is echoed in Ecclesiastes 9:11 KJV which says "I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all." I used to think that life was a sprint to see who could get to the finish line the fastest. Especially when I saw those around me getting new opportunities or doors opened for them. It seemed as if they were constantly passing me by. I became more of aware of this feeling of being left behind when I sat down to dinner with engineers and realized I was the only one who did not have a prestigious degree. Also, the feelings became more amplified due to many pastors I listened to were preaching about finding one's God-given purpose and I still did not know mine. So I started reflecting over my life wishing I had done many things differently in my past. But God was so merciful to remind me that the season I was in was not in vain.
I feel like I have been living a "wilderness experience" for the past 6 or 7 years. During that time, I have experienced everything from the lost of loved ones and possessions to confusion on every side and so much more. Looking back, I remember thinking that I would not make it through any of the situations I have been through. I also recall wanting God to take the pain away along with my life many times. During the trials, I did not realize that God was showing me so much about myself.
This is the question I asked myself one day while sitting at home playing with my then 3-month-old daughter. In that moment, I did not know how I ended up where I had. At that time in my life, I was dealing with challenges left and right. I mean everything from financially to learning how to be a stay at home mom to learning how to trust God in the stormy season of life. Because of my past mistakes and challenges I endured, I had gotten to a point where I allowed my fears to roam wild and free. I can recall telling myself, if I just stayed in the house and didn't go anywhere then I would not be able to make mistakes anymore! Looking back, I can see just how silly my thought process was but at the time it provided me with a much-needed sense of security.